How do I begin? My scrambled thoughts are distracting me from forming coherent sentences. I type, then backspace to delete the words I churned out. 

What you have just read is the limited headway I’ve made in the past hour.

The conceited think-herself-to-be-highly-capable door bitch concedes that she is really nothing but a pathetic failure.

My incompetency was evident when you collapsed before my outstretched arms, dripping crimson red. In your pain, trauma and confusion, you had likely staggered your way to the entrance for help. Only that I was overwhelmed by the unexpected sight I beheld and incapable to react swiftly in that momentary lapse.

There were others whom you could have approached yet you sought me out. Were you trusting me to help you single out the culprit who hurt you? Why had I been so useless in handling this?

Words can’t express how sorry I am towards you my dear S. I only pray you recover soon. Forgive me that I was unable to do much more for you on this terror-wrecked and emotion-filled night.

P/S: And as I stare at your facebook page, I realised, I have never seen you in anything less than a wide grinning smile. How I wish for that same smile not to wane?

Gorgeous dress plus flip-flops spell as a recipe for bad fashion. If one can make the effort to accessorize heavily and slapping on full make-up, why stop at being decked out in sloppy footwear? If heels are a case of discomfort for you that day, there are always comfortable low pumps, classy slips and sandals (of the non-havianas variety) as alternatives.

You’ll probably get away with this sort of pairing if you are a star. Like Sharon Stone.

Do not do things by half measure, go all out and dress to impress at the right functions! The only time one’s allowed to be caught in such a combination is post –work / -clubbing or at home. Do not tell me it is decent ‘cause it is NOT.

Just like how I was spotted donning slippers with my shirt dress just after work by my regular and was labeled unglamorous and superbly aunti-fied. Oh the horrors! Well at least I have a very valid excuse. My feet deserved to be well-rested after door-bitching and standing around in 3-4 inch heels for hours. But even then, I have since ceased wearing slippers after work, instead opting for 1 inch slip-ons.

So to girls who had been or were rejected by the door girls for being in slippers, do not start griping or blame us for that nor attempt any lame asswipe of a pretext of how your leg’s injured, hoping we will be sympathetic enough to overlook your blunder.

If that were indeed the case, TOO BAD for you. You really ought to be resting at home then.

Oh well, I’m better off a door bitch as it is now.

And so here’s a (petite) superwoman who made her mark in the male-dominated industry.

vikki huang the bar belle

Article from Yvonne Phoo, again taken off the Electric New Paper.

Don’t mess with this BAR BELLE

By Yvonne Phoo July 12 2008

IT’S not the size, it’s the stamina that matters for this woman.

And she is speaking from 15 years of experience.

In an industry dominated by men, Ms Vikki Huang has always had to put in twice as much compared to her co-workers.

And that meant physical work as well.

When she was only 18, and working as a bar apprentice at Crazy Elephant at Clarke Quay, a male colleague told her she would have to carry heavy materials around.

Not wanting to be seen as the weaker sex, she made sure she put in an equal amount of work. This included lugging two bags of ice up six flights of stairs, changing beer barrels, and learning how to flair (flip bottles).

Now, the 33-year-old is the operations manager of Helipad, a new two-storey club at The Central. The club will be launched later this month.

Meeting her, one of first things that strikes you is how petite she is, at 1.5m tall.

But she can tell you that what is more important in her line of work is having a tough mind.

She believes that women who want to join the industry should be mentally prepared for the challenges.

She said: ‘You have to keep an open mind.

‘If you are too conservative on issues like alcohol or handling the manners of drunken people who can sometimes get out of hand, then don’t bother being in this industry.’

On her long service record, she said: ‘It was hard at first, but now that I have proven herself and worked my way up to this point, guys in the industry tend to show me more respect.’

Ms Huang said she is aware few women will stay in this industry long enough to get to a managerial position.

She said part of the reason women tend to shun the nightlife scene is because it is physically demanding. Training as a bartender can be tough because you also have to lift heavy goods.

Furthermore, some women are afraid of getting harassed, a problem which she said she has avoided, thanks to ‘a good security team’ at the places where she has worked.

TOUGH JOB

Ms Huang’s success did not come overnight.

After getting her diploma in tourism studies from Shatec, she joined Crazy Elephant and had to wash beer glasses, mop up spills and move crates of bottles.

But it was there that she got her first taste of bartending and continued working the counter in clubs such as Sultan of Swing, Venom and Onyx.

These clubs may have shut down, but Ms Huang continued to work her way within the scene and got her big break at Centro at One Fullerton where she was promoted to a supervisory position.

When Centro also closed its doors, she moved on to Gotham Penthouse at Clarke Quay, where she became the operations manager, taking charge of everything, from the staff members to the cleanliness of the toilets.

Her last post was as the operations manager of The Cannery at Clarke Quay, where she was in charge of all the managers of the individual outlets under the group. She was the only female manager there.

BETTER THAN THE GUYS

Mr Kenni Koh, 33, a bar consultant and trainer, was Ms Huang’s mentor at Centro back in 2002 when she was the only female bartender on the team.

He told The New Paper: ‘She’s the only woman I know who can be better than the guys.

‘She’s very strong and she can work very long hours which is hard for most girls to take.

‘I would like to see more girls like her in terms of knowledge, strength and mindset because the industry lacks female managers.’

One blogger named Cookiss99, even wrote an entry on her blog titled ‘Vikki the MOS superstar’.

She wrote in that entry: ‘I wanna be like Miss Vikki when I grow up!!! Long live Superstar Vikki!’

But Ms Huang said she doesn’t consider herself to be successful.

‘Maybe, when I buy a Maserati and a bungalow,’ she joked.

The little luxuries she spend on are her shoes and Rolex watches.

Beaming, she said: ‘Being able to be self-sufficient makes me very happy. And that is enough.’

However, she would not reveal how much she makes a month.

Would she encourage her female friends to join the industry?

She said with a smile: ‘Why not? It would be better for male patrons to have more eye candy when they have their drinks at the bar.’

Besides, when it comes to sorting out potentially ugly fights or difficult situations, having ‘a woman’s touch’ works.

Ms Huang said that, sometimes, all it takes to calm someone down is to place a hand on the arm of an agitated person and say four golden words: ‘Please give me face.’

Laughing, she said, ‘It would be funny to see a male manager using the same method to calm another man down.

‘Most men will feel uncomfortable when they are touched this way by another man.’

PLANS

Ms Huang thinks there is still room to grow for her.

She plans to get into bar consultancy and her dream is to set up a school to improve the standards of service staff members.

She said: ‘We have to be ready to provide first-class service, before the IRs (integrated resorts) are going to open.’

Putting career and friends as her top priorities, Ms Huang shows no panic when it comes to her non-existent love life.

‘I have never, and will never date a customer or a co-worker. It is important to keep a good reputation in this industry where most people know each other,’ she said.

The writer, a mass communications graduate, is a freelancer

For now, pictures of my princessy bitch shall suffice.

So this is how… the famous fictional Miss Piggy will turn out to be in real life.

As for the crowning champion to the Muppets Lookalike Celebrity contest, it will definitely have to be… rocker Pete Doherty! What an uncanny resemblance to Crazy Harry, don’t you think?!

Last Friday’s TNP had an article on door bitches.

Brilliant, how timely.

Here’s an excerpt from the article:

Who do I think I am? I am the custodian of the three entry lines that lead to fun.

Remember: Club entry is not a democracy. Not everyone is equal. And because the image of the club is at stake, it rests on door bitches to exercise clientele quality control.

They are the stone-faced girls you love to hate, the Simon Cowells of the chic and cheesy, the dour bitch at the door.

You can read it from here too.

The article was written by a Yvonne Phoo. Judging from her list of friends, some in the nightlife industry whom I know, she should be the author. If the photo of her is not far off from the person in reality, I say, she is really one damn gorgeous-looking bitch who welds her pen as well as she tends to her door.

I am so pissed off at her, even scolding her, smacking her bum and yelling her to go away does not reduce the heartache I feel for my inanimate pearl white beauty.

ROARS!

This is just not my day!

I know it is senseless to chide that evil bitch of mine over a pair of sunnies but I can’t help it. And you would think that she knows she has done wrong and came to my feet sorrowfully with a regretful look, seeking pardon. No way! Look at that smirking face!

ARGH!

Occasionally, out of sheer gossip nature, I check out blogs of sg girls belonging to the social circle of either the notoriously rich, (in)famous, wild party-going types or the models-wannabes and the trying-too-hard-to-fit-in. So far, I have classified them into 4 broad groups on my bookmarks tabs:

A) Aristocrats - The wealthy and gorgeous babes from the upper echelon of society;

B) Bourgeoisies - The model crew who love to party and have a good time ;

C) Commoners – The supporting cast who are neither the privileged few from A or quality ones from B, usually good friends or shallow acquaintances (be it fame cravers or attention seekers I am postulating) of the former or the ones who strive to be part of the “in” group;

D) Starlets – Self explanatory.

* Refer to the briefs explained on the social classes in Paris in the 19th century.

I have a few (in alphabetical order and not degree of babeliciousness) to share with you guys however I will refrain from transforming into a real mean bitch and reveal my personal labelling of the respective girls, none I personally know of, other than Claire, who was an ex-secondary school mate and track/cross-country senior.

1) Felicia Chin

2) Joanne Peh

3) Agri

4) Angela Gray

5) Arissa Cheo

6) Beatrice Tan

7) Cara

8) Claire Jedrek

9) Crystal Shong

10) Daphne Teo

11) Dawn Yang

12) Genevieve Wijaya

13) Gwendolyn Wan

14) Huirong, Cai

15) Madeleine Tay

16) Marcelly Suhali

17) Michelle Quek

18) Naomi Liu

19) Nicole Chen

20) Nira Chan

21) Peggy Chang

22) Peggy Heng

23) Qiao Yun, Shen

24) Sarah Lim

25) Wendy Cheng

26) Winnie Heng

27) Valerie Lim

28) Xuesha, Gui

Please do feel very free to share more for my voyeuristic browsing, especially pweety girls with many peekchures and self-portraits! Much thanks. I love to ogle! Hohoho!

P/s: I did not link any pictures of each girl cos all of their sites listed here are filled with tons of their photos already!

Pp/s: Warning! You may regurgitate from some pictures, nonetheless, still interesting reads.

and given free rein at the door, what kinda rules will you lay down?

Fiona of surrealist.wordpress.com , and previously orgasmic hamsters, has 5 simple ones:

1) No high heels

2) No ugly dress sense

3) No obvious SPGs

4) No fake accents

5) No suspicious looking men

I could easily churn out a long list of people whom I feel ought to be deemed as the “rejects” group. The 5 most unwelcome people that tops my chart include those who are:

1) fugly and/or badly dressed. They cause a negative impact on the visual appeal of the club in the long run. Oh how they spoil the sight and my eyes.

2) smelly and/or sweaty. Bad odour permeates the club environment, creating a very vile sick sourish stink.

3) lousy and/or loud foul-tempered drinkers who have no control over their drinking limitations. This group usually are those who either puke and flood the ground with their half-digested mee goreng (I saw this once in my club and my sympathy to those who stepped onto it!) or end up in brawls, commotions and even catfights!

4) superficial sleezebags/hags who try to slime it up with the management for free drinks or waived entry. We affectionately term them the bloody cheapskates.

5) rude pretentious elitist snobs who flaunt their wealth in my face and and go all high and mighty, thinking they are high up the pedestal. We are humans, not pesky scums for you to step all over. I have had really rich, chauffeured guests who are polite and humble to a fault.

Unfortunately, business sensibility takes priority over my “rejects” list. Bah.

I know this is more than a month overdue but Miss Lam, you have been rather naughty in your ways. Evidence here.

Friday, April 04, 2008
Double O last night was hell extreme fun, got very tipsy but not drunk! Yayyyy. The lepakrews were present except for Leon and ChanelChua. Had problems getting in at first because I don’t have a fake ic with me, waited for the rescue from Jac till 12 plus.

Small wonder why that happens. You have friends who pull similar illegal stunts to hoodwink the door people.

Baaad bad girl.