The Afflicted Brooder

Sleep eludes me as guilt haunts me at my very core, plagued by the indelible scarlet scenes of the night.

How do I begin? My scrambled thoughts are distracting me from forming coherent sentences. I type, then backspace to delete the words I churned out. 

What you have just read is the limited headway I’ve made in the past hour.

The conceited think-herself-to-be-highly-capable door bitch concedes that she is really nothing but a pathetic failure.

My incompetency was evident when you collapsed before my outstretched arms, dripping crimson red. In your pain, trauma and confusion, you had likely staggered your way to the entrance for help. Only that I was overwhelmed by the unexpected sight I beheld and incapable to react swiftly in that momentary lapse.

There were others whom you could have approached yet you sought me out. Were you trusting me to help you single out the culprit who hurt you? Why had I been so useless in handling this?

Words can’t express how sorry I am towards you my dear S. I only pray you recover soon. Forgive me that I was unable to do much more for you on this terror-wrecked and emotion-filled night.

P/S: And as I stare at your facebook page, I realised, I have never seen you in anything less than a wide grinning smile. How I wish for that same smile not to wane?

Wardrobe Malfunction?

I have always been confounded by this weird dress-down “fashion” notion of some girls when it comes to clubbing.

Gorgeous dress plus flip-flops spell as a recipe for bad fashion. If one can make the effort to accessorize heavily and slapping on full make-up, why stop at being decked out in sloppy footwear? If heels are a case of discomfort for you that day, there are always comfortable low pumps, classy slips and sandals (of the non-havianas variety) as alternatives.

You’ll probably get away with this sort of pairing if you are a star. Like Sharon Stone.

Do not do things by half measure, go all out and dress to impress at the right functions! The only time one’s allowed to be caught in such a combination is post –work / -clubbing or at home. Do not tell me it is decent ‘cause it is NOT.

Just like how I was spotted donning slippers with my shirt dress just after work by my regular and was labeled unglamorous and superbly aunti-fied. Oh the horrors! Well at least I have a very valid excuse. My feet deserved to be well-rested after door-bitching and standing around in 3-4 inch heels for hours. But even then, I have since ceased wearing slippers after work, instead opting for 1 inch slip-ons.

So to girls who had been or were rejected by the door girls for being in slippers, do not start griping or blame us for that nor attempt any lame asswipe of a pretext of how your leg’s injured, hoping we will be sympathetic enough to overlook your blunder.

If that were indeed the case, TOO BAD for you. You really ought to be resting at home then.

The Bar Belle

I still remember how I’ve always wanted to go behind the bar to slave instead of working on the floor. It’s not that I haven’t had any bar experience since I was a bar maid in a smaller cafe/pub before. But I clearly remembered how my then-supervisor turned me down saying that I wasn’t tall enough for the club’s bar and how I would need to run around the club 20 rounds first carrying a full beer barrel before he’ll let me enter the bar as a barback or barmaid.

Oh well, I’m better off a door bitch as it is now.

And so here’s a (petite) superwoman who made her mark in the male-dominated industry.

vikki huang the bar belle

Article from Yvonne Phoo, again taken off the Electric New Paper.

Have got quite a few stuff to jot down before my ailing memory fails me but limited time to do so. Anyway, do keep a look out for the updated list of girly blogs to visit! More stunning eye candies for the closet babe-watchers!

For now, pictures of my princessy bitch shall suffice.

Muppets unwelcome

I really wouldn’t want to be like any of these celebs featured! Cos that can only means I bear semblance to the wacky characters from the Muppets!

So this is how… the famous fictional Miss Piggy will turn out to be in real life.

As for the crowning champion to the Muppets Lookalike Celebrity contest, it will definitely have to be… rocker Pete Doherty! What an uncanny resemblance to Crazy Harry, don’t you think?!

Dour bitch at the door

Last Friday’s TNP had an article on door bitches.

Brilliant, how timely.

Here’s an excerpt from the article:

Who do I think I am? I am the custodian of the three entry lines that lead to fun.

Remember: Club entry is not a democracy. Not everyone is equal. And because the image of the club is at stake, it rests on door bitches to exercise clientele quality control.

They are the stone-faced girls you love to hate, the Simon Cowells of the chic and cheesy, the dour bitch at the door.

You can read it from here too.

The article was written by a Yvonne Phoo. Judging from her list of friends, some in the nightlife industry whom I know, she should be the author. If the photo of her is not far off from the person in reality, I say, she is really one damn gorgeous-looking bitch who welds her pen as well as she tends to her door.

INTERJECTION

The princessy bitch at home clawed down my pair of Oakleys half jacket from the table and happily chewed on its corners! KNN! My sunglasses has been very well preserved all this while since I bought it 2 years ago! &*(#!@#_) There was not a single visible scratch till now, that she has bitten pockmarked holes into it!

I am so pissed off at her, even scolding her, smacking her bum and yelling her to go away does not reduce the heartache I feel for my inanimate pearl white beauty.

ROARS!

This is just not my day!

I know it is senseless to chide that evil bitch of mine over a pair of sunnies but I can’t help it. And you would think that she knows she has done wrong and came to my feet sorrowfully with a regretful look, seeking pardon. No way! Look at that smirking face!

ARGH!

A gossipy door bitch

Occasionally, out of sheer gossip nature, I check out blogs of sg girls belonging to the social circle of either the notoriously rich, (in)famous, wild party-going types or the models-wannabes and the trying-too-hard-to-fit-in. So far, I have classified them into 4 broad groups on my bookmarks tabs:

A) Aristocrats - The wealthy and gorgeous babes from the upper echelon of society;

B) Bourgeoisies - The model crew who love to party and have a good time ;

C) Commoners – The supporting cast who are neither the privileged few from A or quality ones from B, usually good friends or shallow acquaintances (be it fame cravers or attention seekers I am postulating) of the former or the ones who strive to be part of the “in” group;

D) Starlets – Self explanatory.

* Refer to the briefs explained on the social classes in Paris in the 19th century.

I have a few (in alphabetical order and not degree of babeliciousness) to share with you guys however I will refrain from transforming into a real mean bitch and reveal my personal labelling of the respective girls, none I personally know of, other than Claire, who was an ex-secondary school mate and track/cross-country senior.

1) Felicia Chin

2) Joanne Peh

3) Agri

4) Angela Gray

5) Arissa Cheo

6) Beatrice Tan

7) Cara

8) Claire Jedrek

9) Crystal Shong

10) Daphne Teo

11) Dawn Yang

12) Genevieve Wijaya

13) Gwendolyn Wan

14) Huirong, Cai

15) Madeleine Tay

16) Marcelly Suhali

17) Michelle Quek

18) Naomi Liu

19) Nicole Chen

20) Nira Chan

21) Peggy Chang

22) Peggy Heng

23) Qiao Yun, Shen

24) Sarah Lim

25) Wendy Cheng

26) Winnie Heng

27) Valerie Lim

28) Xuesha, Gui

Please do feel very free to share more for my voyeuristic browsing, especially pweety girls with many peekchures and self-portraits! Much thanks. I love to ogle! Hohoho!

P/s: I did not link any pictures of each girl cos all of their sites listed here are filled with tons of their photos already!

Pp/s: Warning! You may regurgitate from some pictures, nonetheless, still interesting reads.

If you were a door bitch…

and given free rein at the door, what kinda rules will you lay down?

Fiona of surrealist.wordpress.com , and previously orgasmic hamsters, has 5 simple ones:

1) No high heels

2) No ugly dress sense

3) No obvious SPGs

4) No fake accents

5) No suspicious looking men

I could easily churn out a long list of people whom I feel ought to be deemed as the “rejects” group. The 5 most unwelcome people that tops my chart include those who are:

1) fugly and/or badly dressed. They cause a negative impact on the visual appeal of the club in the long run. Oh how they spoil the sight and my eyes.

2) smelly and/or sweaty. Bad odour permeates the club environment, creating a very vile sick sourish stink.

3) lousy and/or loud foul-tempered drinkers who have no control over their drinking limitations. This group usually are those who either puke and flood the ground with their half-digested mee goreng (I saw this once in my club and my sympathy to those who stepped onto it!) or end up in brawls, commotions and even catfights!

4) superficial sleezebags/hags who try to slime it up with the management for free drinks or waived entry. We affectionately term them the bloody cheapskates.

5) rude pretentious elitist snobs who flaunt their wealth in my face and and go all high and mighty, thinking they are high up the pedestal. We are humans, not pesky scums for you to step all over. I have had really rich, chauffeured guests who are polite and humble to a fault.

Unfortunately, business sensibility takes priority over my “rejects” list. Bah.

Look who’s been a bad girl!

I know this is more than a month overdue but Miss Lam, you have been rather naughty in your ways. Evidence here.

Friday, April 04, 2008
Double O last night was hell extreme fun, got very tipsy but not drunk! Yayyyy. The lepakrews were present except for Leon and ChanelChua. Had problems getting in at first because I don’t have a fake ic with me, waited for the rescue from Jac till 12 plus.

Small wonder why that happens. You have friends who pull similar illegal stunts to hoodwink the door people.

Baaad bad girl.